Lifee:)

My life has just developed into an array of new. My best friend and I are grown apart. And I think her position has been somewhat replaced by DeAnna. She's amazingg! And Mikenzie started dating Stephen again on the 21 because of me:) They are so cute together. Thenn, :D the guy I've been crushing on for 2 years now finally asked me out! I'm head over heels! 1.25.10

Hmm.

Well, I have been having a good time the past couple weeks. I've met a couple new people and I have had a blast getting to know them. Ha! Kenny is officially stalking me. We have soo much in common. It really creeps me out sometimes... They have been becoming more and more like best friends to me. Too bad my parents don't like me being friends with Juniors. Let alone BOY juniors. Lol. But like that stops me. I still find times to chill with them. On the other hand, my best friend and I have been having a bit of issues. Brianna, my "husband", turned fifteen last weekend. Congrats to her and her success through her tough stage in life... I just got my report card in. My hard work has been paying off. 4.14 GPA!! Nothing to compare with Tyler's 5.0 GPA... I still have a hard time believing that. Dance has been going great... Mrs. Henning wanted to bump me up to the Presicion Dance Co., but the Company has already choreographed so much... I'm in a group dance, and a class dance, and an outside piece. In ROTC my sargeant and major have been leaving me with more resposibilities... Teaching students to march, flank, fall in, column, etc. Despite all my luck lately, I feel a bit empty... Hopefully things will turn around soon enough...

I Regret It!

Today, I friends over... Mikenzie and Bri. But, they decided to surprise me with Derek. I want to cry right now. I never see him at school, so I forgot him. He was almost completely erased from my memory. But today refreshed everything I loved about him. God dammit- I can't believe I fell for his act... He played it so good. It was effortless to sit there with him. I wish he didn't come, cause now I'm here. Crying. Again. And I have to start over from scratch. I have to forget him. Again. And I'm sitting here venting to James, again. He always seems to be online when I need him most.... I just want to crawl up into the feedle position and break down to little pieces. Why would they ever put me in that position? I was soooo happy when he got here, now wish I never met him. I wish there was a way to tell him how regretful I feel about EVERYTHING! How much I wish none of it happened. I have always said I would NEVER regret loving him. But right now, I regret everything. It's so... so... infuriated, depressed, dirt cheap, etc. I don't even want to see him again. I don't think I've ever felt so strongly about anything.

I just have to try... Wriiten at 7:45 am 8/18/08

I think I finally realized what I did to him. I was such a bitch. I feel so sorrry for the wrong I did him. It kills me to think about it. I cried again. This year, I wanna change. I wanna be nice like Ana Morris:) I don't wanna let my friends out of my grasp. And, I wanna thank Mikenzie Marie Campbell. She was the only one who ever saw me shed a tear for him. She was the only one I could talk to about him. She was the only one who saw the weakness that fled through my eyes day-in and day-out. And I wanna thank Joey Allen Taylor for helping me find myself. The week that I've spoken to him made me realize what a nice person I really can be. Because for some reason I talk to him differently than all of my friends, and for some reason I feel like I can talk to him about anything. Last night I told him I wanted him to help me through this. Last night I cried. Last night, I found a little bit more of myself. I wish I could say I won't cry over him again, but I can't. I will cry for him. Cause he was my life support. It took me awhile before I could get back on my feet and face school. He will never know the way he kept me on my feet. He has only been there for 9 months, but damn, he was there through a lot for that short amount of time. He was the greatest friend I ever had. It did teach me a lesson when he left. And, I would do anything to get him back, but I cant\: Maybe one day I will forget Derek Rojas permanantly. Forget the way he made me smile, forget the way he laughed, forget his jokes, forget every secret he ever told me, forget every phase of friendship I ever discovered with him, forget the way he always got what he wanted, forget the way he told me I was a dumb blonde, forget the dumb expressions that made me giggle, forget the way I could tell him anything, forget the way I felt at home when he was close. But most importantly, forget all the feelings and emotions I felt for him. I don't know if I can forget ANY of those, but I have to try.

Freshmann!

Dude, I wanna scream my head off. Dude, the dumb school put me in Art?! Wtf? I can't even draw a straight. Why would I sign up for Art? I signed up for photography! Art wasn't even an alternate. I'm so pissed! >:-[ I got Dance both semesters. Thats why I did sign up for. And student aide for Ms. Martinez... Hmmm. I don't even know how I'm gonna handle that. I wish that I got Cook:( I miss him. I want school to start already! Freshmann! Whoo! It's my last year of this dumb place. I will miss some things. I don't even know what highschool that I want to go to. I might go to Red Mountain with Bri... I wanna go there but its so complicated. All my friends are going to Skyline. I don't even know what college I wanna go to!

Crazy Stuff

Last night I got in a huge fight with my best friend, Derek. He told me to stop texting him and such. I have never cried so hard in my life. He called me a spoiled brat. I didn't even know who to talk to. Mikenzie is in New Mexico and Bri is the last person i wanted to talk to. I actually considered getting a hold of my ex cause we had just recently made up. But, I didn't want to seem awkward and go to him with my problems. Psh, yeah right. I bawled myself to sleep. I just wanted Mikenzie to be there with me. But she wasn't. My poor dog was woken up several times. When I woke up this morning around 10:30, I got on Myspace. Right after I signed into Yahoo, my ex signed in. I was debating on whether to message him or not. I'm glad I did. I told him that I was so upset last night that I considered texting him. He asked if that was a bad thing. I wasn't sure. Haha. So I told him about it. He gave me great advice. I'm really thankful I told him. He has changed for the better. Our conversation wasn't over so he gave me his number. And then i remembered something that Mikenzie told me something he told her a long time ago. She told me that he called her real late one night and told her I had way wide feet but my big toe was cute?! I cracked up soooooo hard! I HAD to ask him about it. He said,"i never told her that she is crzy" Haha. I'm so glad me and him are okay now. I think he's being too nice to me. After all the horrible things I've done to him....

Happy(late) Birthdday to me:)

Well, today I went to the mall with Bri. I went to Aeropostale and bought some cute panties:) Haha. happy birthday to me. happy birthday to me! Happy birthday dear Taylerrrrr, happy Birthday to mee:)) Thankyou Derek! Haha... Speaking of him, I haven't talked to him in like a week. I miss him:'( JEEZ! bri just scared the crap outta me! haha:)