I Regret It!

Today, I friends over... Mikenzie and Bri. But, they decided to surprise me with Derek. I want to cry right now. I never see him at school, so I forgot him. He was almost completely erased from my memory. But today refreshed everything I loved about him. God dammit- I can't believe I fell for his act... He played it so good. It was effortless to sit there with him. I wish he didn't come, cause now I'm here. Crying. Again. And I have to start over from scratch. I have to forget him. Again. And I'm sitting here venting to James, again. He always seems to be online when I need him most.... I just want to crawl up into the feedle position and break down to little pieces. Why would they ever put me in that position? I was soooo happy when he got here, now wish I never met him. I wish there was a way to tell him how regretful I feel about EVERYTHING! How much I wish none of it happened. I have always said I would NEVER regret loving him. But right now, I regret everything. It's so... so... infuriated, depressed, dirt cheap, etc. I don't even want to see him again. I don't think I've ever felt so strongly about anything.